The other night my son and I were watching TV together and a commercial came on about a cancer treatment center and the patient had lost all their hair. He turned to me and asked "mom are you gonna loose your hair?" I said "no love, mommy won't loose her hair". How do you handle curious, innocent questions for a little one wise beyond his years?
Last week was rough week. Started FMLA, was scheduled to get a port and the schedule got screwed up and I was sent to the wrong department. So then I had to postpone chemo rearrange my schedule, inconvenienced my friends and family- what a hot mess and a headache. Oh and aggravation. But my convictions got me and realized things once again happen for a reason cant get mad. Ok God I get, I got the message.
Then Wednesday everything was shut down due to the snowstorm/blizzard/snowmaggedon- whatever you wanna call it. Yes I was the one of those that said 'blah blah blah, the weatherman is always wrong and the media tends to hype things up and freak everyone out, rush to the stores to grab that last gallon of milk". Ok, so I was wrong!!! ugh. Woke up Wednesday to snow up past my front windows and snow drifts along my driveway 5 feet tall once the driveway was shoveled and plowed. And for once everything was shut down, even my company that has never closed for as long as I can remember. So I took advantaged and cooked and cooked. Can you guess what I made? Gave away a few plates to Ricky and my neighbors who helped out and later brought food over to our friends who just had a baby. What a great escape to go visit a newborn!
Thursday the schools were closed again but I had to go get my port put in. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Had bruising and it's pretty grotesque looking and just knowing I have a foreign object implanted in my chest is bizaare. The pain has lasted til even today pre-chemo treatment. I had a lot of pain and every time I laid down I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It even hurts to laugh. Today I had chemo and once again was stressing out since the area is still tender and didn't want to get poked but this was definitely worth the pain Thursday. The initial poke wasn't bad, they used some spray to numb the area though I couldn't tell, still felt the prick but it was for split second. Overall the treatment went by a little faster. Course I got there at 8:15 and was done by 1:30. For now we left my lovely extension cord or whatever you wanna call it in to save the trouble of getting poked again tomorrow then I will have completed round number 3. 3 down, 3 to go. Everything rides on hope now.
As of right now, I'm feeling ok. Not too tired but these steroid are causing some crazy cravings! Tengo hambre!! Dear God I worked so hard to loose 30 lbs, do not let them come back! In the famous words of comedian George Lopez "I hab a pain in my chess and I can't breef" but it's not as bad as yesterday. Right now I am just chillaxin by the window watching the pretty snow fall listening to some tunes. Keep praying for me as I fight the good fight. I had a whoa is me day Friday. Was feeling a mix of emotions- sad for those that have lost their battle with this ugly "c" word, angry that I have to go through this, angry for those going through this, blah blah blah. I don't wanna do this anymore. But then I snapped back to my positive attitude by Sunday because I was reminded that there is a reason for this and of course I remember all my friends and family supporting me and praying through this. I have to get a grip, I have to handle this better. I have to be strong and be an example. If I can conquer this I can conquer anything. I don't know why I am walking this long and painful road but I am not alone and this is just a small obstacle in the way. Maybe this is some sort of test from above.
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (this is the verse on my hubby's tattoo)
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Praise God for your inspiration of words you express while going through the "C" battle. You inspire me to keep fighting right along with you Mel~! I love you little trooper Momma <3
ReplyDeleteWow! Tears are flowing like a river over here! I hate that I have to see a sister go through this. But I know you will give this the fight of it's life.I love you Melissa.
ReplyDelete"The Big 'C'"
by Kathy Cawthon, Survivor
"The big 'C'" I heard someone call it.
Another just whispered the word.
That we don't even dare to say "cancer" out loud
Gives it power it doesn't deserve.
So I'm giving that letter new meaning
And refusing to give in to fear.
I'm reclaiming the power for you and for me
By saying these words loud and clear:
Let the "c" be for "cure" and "compassion."
Let it stand for the "candles" we light.
And a "chorus" of voices shouting "You 'can'!"
To all who will take up this fight.
Let the "c" be for "cash contribution."
"Credit" or "check" will work, too!
Let it stand for "commitment" and "check- ups"
and "cheer"
And the "children" "counting" on you.
Let it mean that we know our "Creator"
Is beside us each step of the way,
And remind us to "call" on His strength and His love
And to "celebrate" every new day.
To everyone facing this "challenge,"
I say it's a fight we will win.
Tell all who will listen that, starting today,
The "c" is for "COURAGE," my friend.
Jeny now you got me in tears! That is a beautiful poem. Thank you for sharing that sis! <3 u!
ReplyDeleteThank you Eva for your encouraging words!