I'm beginning to stress out a just a little bit. Christmas is two days away. I still have a few gifts to get, I haven't wrapped one thing. I cannot believe how fast not only this month went but this entire year. I've had all year to contemplate what I'm buying for my family yet here I am December 22nd still needing to buy a few things not just for them though. I barely started writing out my Christmas cards. And I'm not gonna pull the chemo card on this one! Procastination is my middle name. Always has always been!
But I am really excited for some friends of mine tying the knot this Friday! Congratulations Mike and Kathy! No turning back now lol! I will making the dinner for them and their 95 + guests . I won't be there for the actually ceremony, I had already committed myself to this years Christmas eve service at my church but I will be back in time for the reception. =) But getting back to the Christmas eve service... I am so stinkin' excited! I love Christmas and singing songs about our savior, even the secular songs they play on the radio! So this Friday my awesome team of musicians, Jessica Dresser and yours truly will be leading God's people into song to get you in the spirit. We also have some special performances by some really cool people and our children too! Some of the songs we're be playing are: O Holy Night, Mary Did you know, Breath of Heaven, Silent Night and the list goes on! We may even close out with Feliz Navidad lol! =)
As far as how I'm feeling well I believe a few days ago I mentioned on facebook that I just want my stomach back- appetite and all. I still continue to have intestinal problems but other than that I think after nearly two weeks I have finally gained my appetite back. I actually can think of certain foods and actually have it sound appealing! Thank you Jesus! Now if I could just get my tummy to stop making obnoxious sounds and eliminate the pains every now and then I'd be a happy camper!
Rant: Haven't this for a while! I find it really annoying when people abbreviate Christmas as "xmas" don't take CHRIST out of Christmas people! It wouldn't be Christmas without him! He is the reason for the season! Also I have to rant about the fact that there were no Christmas sprinkles at Walmart last night. Very disappointing!
Praise: Well along with getting an appetite back I have to boast about how blessed my family is. I have an amazing support system and God has been just blessing us left and right. He always knows our needs!
If I don't get back on til after Christmas I just want everyone to how thankful I am for all your love and support. May God bless you and your families this Christmas!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What cocktail are you drinking?
Me? Oh Rituxan and Bendamustine every 28 days. Last Thursday was day one of two days rounds of chemo. I think I have felt every emotional humanly possible last week. The Thursday prior was the day I was told "it's time" and there was little room for arguement. As I said before I wanted to wait til after the holidays. I mean come on I felt great except for the tumor trying to grow bigger by the minute. A little pain here and there but nothing this girl here couldn't tolerate. But because it's growing and because the last CT scan was in October, the chances of it growing at a steady rate was pretty significant so I lost the arguement. Whoa is me. I gave in and said fine and tried to have a positive attitude but then I just cried in the car for a few minutes then said to myself "suck it up buttercup, it's gonna be ok!" From there I stopped at my good friend Veronica's house and had a good visit with her and her new little man. Babies always cheer me up, especially newborns. Good reminder of how precious life is and what a blessing it is to be alive despite the circumstances.
I did quite a bit of pondering and prepping but one can never prepare too much. By Tuesday I bottled myself up. Just wasn't in the mood to be chatty Cathy, to give updates, to say anything. Even had a slight blow up at home with the kids and when I look back it was rather petty. Weds. I was feeling peaceful again, met with the nurse practioner and got the low down on what to expect and I walked out of there with my husand and best friend at myside feeling very positive, very encouraged tht this new drug was going to get this cancer out of me. It was like having God's hand upon me saying it's gonna be ok dear daughter of mine. Plus just knowing that I have hundreds of friends not only here in IL but as far east as NY down to Texas and out far west as California praying for little ol' me is overwhelming. I slept rather well, maybe woke up a few times but drifted back to sleep. I think at one point I even felt that I had gotten it done and over with but yet it was just a dream. Just a dream.
I arrived at 9:00 am sharp with my sister and best friend Brooke Elizabeth by my side to start the day. Anxiety tried to creep it's way in as usualy but Jesus took the wheel. Got the blood drawn again, met with Dr. Chung and then said let's do this. Started the IV **ouchie** Benadryl, steroids and Pepcid cocktails- all pre meds for 30 minutes then the fun began at about 10:15ish. Did well for the first 100 mg but then at about 1 hour and 30 minutes and another 50 mg increase I had an allergic reaction so the meds had to be stopped immediately and my dr. had to be called in. All it was really was itching in my throat and some difficulty in breathing but we continued once everything subsided. Also had some pain and coldness in my wrist was I was told happens. A port is sounding mighty appealing. Then the hubby and my Jenny came to take over the afternoon shift. Brought me some Portillos but unfortunately the side effect of having no appetite already started but I was a good girl and finished my lunch 3 hours later. Anyway, this lasted til about 5ish and I was finally able to leave. Looking around that day the majority of patients were older, I mean WISER people. I got a lot of stares, awkward looks as if I didn't belong there but I do belong there that's the problem.
Day two wasn't too bad. Had my "Jenanane" with to keep me company and by 11:30 we were done. We had lunch at Silk Mandarin where we ran into some friends, must be a happening lunch spot in Vernon Hills. From there we headed home and I crashed for the day. Friday night I was suprised with flowers from a dear friend. Flowers make me smile. I did well all weekend, even went about my usual business doing attending the annual Angel Tree ministry party for the kids and their families, did some karaoke w/friends on Saturday night because life does need to go on as usual. But on Sunday my body took a nose dive. I woke up feeling good, lead worship at church and was suprisingly blessed with a basket of goodies from my church family. I am still in awe of their generosity and thoughtfulness of putting together such a heartfelt basket to get me through this time. The weather outside was terrible so it was a perfect day to just rest up as God intended us to do and rest is what I did. I slept from about 3 til around 7. Woke up to a delightful dinner made by my awesome hubby by but 9 I was overcome by pain in my stomach and this lasted all night. I cannot remember the last time I was this sick from both ends to speak lightly. I was in the bathroom every hour on the hour til 6 am. I hardly remember Monday, slept most of the day in between trying to drink Gatarade and Vitamin water to keep from getting dehydrated. Today is Tuesday and while the violent vomiting only lasted for a few hours into Monday morning the other end is still in recovery mode. I'm almost certain its from the chemo because I'm sure the rest of the Bueno's would be just as ill by now. I'm starting to gain my appetite little by little thank you Jesus. I will shock most by this statement but I have not had coffee since Saturday. Must be some sort of record or I really am sick! God willing I will be back in the office tomorrow. I can imagine the stack of work and emails awaiting for me at my little 8x8 cubicle I call my second home. One can only watch so much TV and I've been too lazy to go down and grab the laptop til now.
Well my friends that is my story from the last week and a half in a nutshell. I apologize for keeping a majority of you in suspense as to how my first treatment went. Continued prayers for healing and that God would get me through these next few months, it's a long road. A long journey to say the least.
I did quite a bit of pondering and prepping but one can never prepare too much. By Tuesday I bottled myself up. Just wasn't in the mood to be chatty Cathy, to give updates, to say anything. Even had a slight blow up at home with the kids and when I look back it was rather petty. Weds. I was feeling peaceful again, met with the nurse practioner and got the low down on what to expect and I walked out of there with my husand and best friend at myside feeling very positive, very encouraged tht this new drug was going to get this cancer out of me. It was like having God's hand upon me saying it's gonna be ok dear daughter of mine. Plus just knowing that I have hundreds of friends not only here in IL but as far east as NY down to Texas and out far west as California praying for little ol' me is overwhelming. I slept rather well, maybe woke up a few times but drifted back to sleep. I think at one point I even felt that I had gotten it done and over with but yet it was just a dream. Just a dream.
I arrived at 9:00 am sharp with my sister and best friend Brooke Elizabeth by my side to start the day. Anxiety tried to creep it's way in as usualy but Jesus took the wheel. Got the blood drawn again, met with Dr. Chung and then said let's do this. Started the IV **ouchie** Benadryl, steroids and Pepcid cocktails- all pre meds for 30 minutes then the fun began at about 10:15ish. Did well for the first 100 mg but then at about 1 hour and 30 minutes and another 50 mg increase I had an allergic reaction so the meds had to be stopped immediately and my dr. had to be called in. All it was really was itching in my throat and some difficulty in breathing but we continued once everything subsided. Also had some pain and coldness in my wrist was I was told happens. A port is sounding mighty appealing. Then the hubby and my Jenny came to take over the afternoon shift. Brought me some Portillos but unfortunately the side effect of having no appetite already started but I was a good girl and finished my lunch 3 hours later. Anyway, this lasted til about 5ish and I was finally able to leave. Looking around that day the majority of patients were older, I mean WISER people. I got a lot of stares, awkward looks as if I didn't belong there but I do belong there that's the problem.
Day two wasn't too bad. Had my "Jenanane" with to keep me company and by 11:30 we were done. We had lunch at Silk Mandarin where we ran into some friends, must be a happening lunch spot in Vernon Hills. From there we headed home and I crashed for the day. Friday night I was suprised with flowers from a dear friend. Flowers make me smile. I did well all weekend, even went about my usual business doing attending the annual Angel Tree ministry party for the kids and their families, did some karaoke w/friends on Saturday night because life does need to go on as usual. But on Sunday my body took a nose dive. I woke up feeling good, lead worship at church and was suprisingly blessed with a basket of goodies from my church family. I am still in awe of their generosity and thoughtfulness of putting together such a heartfelt basket to get me through this time. The weather outside was terrible so it was a perfect day to just rest up as God intended us to do and rest is what I did. I slept from about 3 til around 7. Woke up to a delightful dinner made by my awesome hubby by but 9 I was overcome by pain in my stomach and this lasted all night. I cannot remember the last time I was this sick from both ends to speak lightly. I was in the bathroom every hour on the hour til 6 am. I hardly remember Monday, slept most of the day in between trying to drink Gatarade and Vitamin water to keep from getting dehydrated. Today is Tuesday and while the violent vomiting only lasted for a few hours into Monday morning the other end is still in recovery mode. I'm almost certain its from the chemo because I'm sure the rest of the Bueno's would be just as ill by now. I'm starting to gain my appetite little by little thank you Jesus. I will shock most by this statement but I have not had coffee since Saturday. Must be some sort of record or I really am sick! God willing I will be back in the office tomorrow. I can imagine the stack of work and emails awaiting for me at my little 8x8 cubicle I call my second home. One can only watch so much TV and I've been too lazy to go down and grab the laptop til now.
Well my friends that is my story from the last week and a half in a nutshell. I apologize for keeping a majority of you in suspense as to how my first treatment went. Continued prayers for healing and that God would get me through these next few months, it's a long road. A long journey to say the least.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
No watching and waiting for me.....
I received confirmation the other day from Dr. Kline that I should start chemotherapy vs watching and waiting. Rituxan and Bendamustine for 6 rounds, at 3 months another CT Scan to see if the tumor is shrinking. I'm glad that radiation is not recommended at this time but I'm also terrified to start the chemo. Once again I did my research and here's what scares me so far:
"Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing. Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur. The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss. Different drugs may affect different parts of the body."-
Great! On the brightside if this is what it takes to get me healthy again, bring it on as they say in cheerleading! And yes I am fully aware that there are drugs to help overcome the "side effects". However I did read that Rituxan does not cause hair loss. Thank God even though bald is beautiful and the thought of maybe being able to go red or blonde for a short time is rather intriguing! Anyway, hope to know more tomorrow when meet with my doctor to discuss when to start. I say let's wait til after Christmas because who knows when I will be back to being "me" again. =( Course it doesn't help that the fatigue and pains from the tumor have started. Is it selfish to wanna wait til after New Years?
On another note, we had a great Thanksgiving. I had about 22 family member's over for our annual gathering. I think everyone had a great time and we were stuffed. I stuck to my guns even though the sister in law was trying to get me out on Black Friday **waves fist at Juana** HAHA didn't work!! If I was going to venture out at 4 am it would have been to Target for that $33 stainless steel microwave but I said it wasn't worth it, there really wasn't anything getting out that early for this year. She found a new partner in crime (my daughter/her niece) so hoperfully that sufficed and my apologies for breaking tradish... Maybe next year sis if time, money and of course my health permits!!! But I must say it was so nice to sleep in and not to lift a finger all day Friday, course by 6 I was already sleeping, not sure if it was fatigue or pure laziness but Sunday the fatigued hit me about 2 PM even after a good night's rest. Made a note to the dr on that along with the occasionaly twinges of pains for the abdomen, it's gotta be the tumor. Hmmm....
The rest of the week has been flying. If I get any busier at work I will need a clone! I have enough work for about 3 of me's for the next 3 months- course the world couldn't handle another me let alone 3! Started working on the Christmas eve service and songs for church. I love me some Christmas music! It's the most wonderful time of the year! Then this weeeknd is Mya's last cheer competition, they made some great changes to their routine so I feel good about this weekend no doubt! It's bitter sweet for sure.
RANT: You all know me and how much I just love leftovers. I think just about anything taste better the second time around, especially Italian food. My family, not so much. So you can take a wild guess as to who's been eating all the leftovers! Yours truly! The line "you know, there are starvin' children in Africa" doesn't work on them. Well one can only eat so many and by Tuesday I had to toss out some things. **sigh** I hate wasting food!
Praise: Mya said during Awana's tonight that the leader asked if anyone had any prayer requests and she spoke up and said "for my mom, she has cancer" and then they prayed. Takes a lot for a 9 year old to not only say what's on their heart but to be outspoken like that especially when it comes to praying and praying for others. She melts my heart sometimes, God bless her!
Good night, sweet dreams my friends....
"Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing. Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur. The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss. Different drugs may affect different parts of the body."-
Great! On the brightside if this is what it takes to get me healthy again, bring it on as they say in cheerleading! And yes I am fully aware that there are drugs to help overcome the "side effects". However I did read that Rituxan does not cause hair loss. Thank God even though bald is beautiful and the thought of maybe being able to go red or blonde for a short time is rather intriguing! Anyway, hope to know more tomorrow when meet with my doctor to discuss when to start. I say let's wait til after Christmas because who knows when I will be back to being "me" again. =( Course it doesn't help that the fatigue and pains from the tumor have started. Is it selfish to wanna wait til after New Years?
On another note, we had a great Thanksgiving. I had about 22 family member's over for our annual gathering. I think everyone had a great time and we were stuffed. I stuck to my guns even though the sister in law was trying to get me out on Black Friday **waves fist at Juana** HAHA didn't work!! If I was going to venture out at 4 am it would have been to Target for that $33 stainless steel microwave but I said it wasn't worth it, there really wasn't anything getting out that early for this year. She found a new partner in crime (my daughter/her niece) so hoperfully that sufficed and my apologies for breaking tradish... Maybe next year sis if time, money and of course my health permits!!! But I must say it was so nice to sleep in and not to lift a finger all day Friday, course by 6 I was already sleeping, not sure if it was fatigue or pure laziness but Sunday the fatigued hit me about 2 PM even after a good night's rest. Made a note to the dr on that along with the occasionaly twinges of pains for the abdomen, it's gotta be the tumor. Hmmm....
The rest of the week has been flying. If I get any busier at work I will need a clone! I have enough work for about 3 of me's for the next 3 months- course the world couldn't handle another me let alone 3! Started working on the Christmas eve service and songs for church. I love me some Christmas music! It's the most wonderful time of the year! Then this weeeknd is Mya's last cheer competition, they made some great changes to their routine so I feel good about this weekend no doubt! It's bitter sweet for sure.
RANT: You all know me and how much I just love leftovers. I think just about anything taste better the second time around, especially Italian food. My family, not so much. So you can take a wild guess as to who's been eating all the leftovers! Yours truly! The line "you know, there are starvin' children in Africa" doesn't work on them. Well one can only eat so many and by Tuesday I had to toss out some things. **sigh** I hate wasting food!
Praise: Mya said during Awana's tonight that the leader asked if anyone had any prayer requests and she spoke up and said "for my mom, she has cancer" and then they prayed. Takes a lot for a 9 year old to not only say what's on their heart but to be outspoken like that especially when it comes to praying and praying for others. She melts my heart sometimes, God bless her!
Good night, sweet dreams my friends....
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