What cocktail are you drinking?

Me?  Oh Rituxan and Bendamustine every 28 days.  Last Thursday was day one of two days rounds of chemo.  I think I have felt every emotional humanly possible last week.  The Thursday prior was the day I was told "it's time" and there was little room for arguement.  As I said before I wanted to wait til after the holidays.  I mean come on I felt great except for the tumor trying to grow bigger by the minute.  A little pain here and there but nothing this girl here couldn't tolerate.  But because it's growing and because the last CT scan was in October, the chances of it growing at a steady rate was pretty significant so I lost the arguement.  Whoa is me.  I gave in and said fine and tried to have a positive attitude but then I just cried in the car for a few minutes then said to myself "suck it up buttercup, it's gonna be ok!"  From there I stopped at my good friend Veronica's house and had a good visit with her and her new little man.  Babies always cheer me up, especially newborns.  Good reminder of how precious life is and what a blessing it is to be alive despite the circumstances.

I did quite a bit of pondering and prepping but one can never prepare too much.  By Tuesday I bottled myself up.  Just wasn't in the mood to be chatty Cathy, to give updates, to say anything.  Even had a slight blow up at home with the kids and when I look back it was rather petty.  Weds. I was feeling peaceful again, met with the nurse practioner and got the low down on what to expect and I walked out of there with my husand and best friend at myside feeling very positive, very encouraged tht this new drug was going to get this cancer out of me.  It was like having God's hand upon me saying it's gonna be ok dear daughter of mine.  Plus just knowing that I have hundreds of friends not only here in IL but as far east as NY down to Texas and out far west as California praying for little ol' me is overwhelming.  I slept rather well, maybe woke up a few times but drifted back to sleep. I think at one point I even felt that I had gotten it done and over with but yet it was just a dream. Just a dream.

I arrived at 9:00 am sharp with my sister and best friend Brooke Elizabeth by my side to start the day.  Anxiety tried to creep it's way in as usualy but Jesus took the wheel.  Got the blood drawn again, met with Dr. Chung and then said let's do this.  Started the IV **ouchie** Benadryl, steroids and Pepcid cocktails- all pre meds for 30 minutes then the fun began at about 10:15ish.  Did well for the first 100 mg but then at about 1 hour and 30 minutes and another 50 mg increase I had an allergic reaction so the meds had to be stopped immediately and my dr. had to be called in.  All it was really was itching in my throat and some difficulty in breathing but we continued once everything subsided.  Also had some pain and coldness in my wrist was I was told happens.  A port is sounding mighty appealing.  Then the hubby and my Jenny came to take over the afternoon shift.  Brought me some Portillos but unfortunately the side effect of having no appetite already started but I was a good girl and finished my lunch 3 hours later.  Anyway, this lasted til about 5ish and I was finally able to leave.  Looking around that day the majority of patients were older, I mean WISER people.  I got a lot of stares, awkward looks as if I didn't belong there but I do belong there that's the problem.

Day two wasn't too bad.  Had my "Jenanane" with to keep me company and by 11:30 we were done.  We had lunch at Silk Mandarin where we ran into some friends, must be a happening lunch spot in Vernon Hills.  From there we headed home and I crashed for the day.  Friday night I was suprised with flowers from a dear friend.  Flowers make me smile.  I did well all weekend, even went about my usual business doing attending the annual Angel Tree ministry party for the kids and their families, did some karaoke w/friends on Saturday night because life does need to go on as usual.  But on Sunday my body took a nose dive.  I woke up feeling good, lead worship at church and was suprisingly blessed with a basket of goodies from my church family.  I am still in awe of their generosity and thoughtfulness of putting together such a heartfelt basket to get me through this time.  The weather outside was terrible so it was a perfect day to just rest up as God intended us to do and rest is what I did.  I slept from about 3 til around 7.  Woke up to a delightful dinner made by my awesome hubby by but 9 I was overcome by pain in my stomach and this lasted all night.  I cannot remember the last time I was this sick from both ends to speak lightly.  I was in the bathroom every hour on the hour til 6 am.  I hardly remember Monday, slept most of the day in between trying to drink Gatarade and Vitamin water to keep from getting dehydrated.  Today is Tuesday and while the violent vomiting only lasted for a few hours into Monday morning the other end is still in recovery mode.  I'm almost certain its from the chemo because I'm sure the rest of the Bueno's would be just as ill by now.  I'm starting to gain my appetite little by little thank you Jesus.  I will shock most by this statement but I have not had coffee since Saturday.  Must be some sort of record or I really am sick!  God willing I will be back in the office tomorrow.  I can imagine the stack of work and emails awaiting for me at my little 8x8 cubicle I call my second home.  One can only watch so much TV and I've been too lazy to go down and grab the laptop til now. 

Well my friends that is my story from the last week and a half in a nutshell.  I apologize for keeping a majority of you in suspense as to how my first treatment went.  Continued prayers for healing and that God would get me through these next few months, it's a long road.  A long journey to say the least.