Ah yes, today is the 12th anniversary of my 21st birthday.... lol! Just kidding! Today is my 33rd birthday. 33 is such an awkward number isn't it? As time goes on life becomes more precious to me. I am thankful another day, another year of life. God has been so good to me! My last round of chemo went great, just a a day of nausea and another day of major fatigue but that's about it. If being tired everyday is the only side effect from all of this I will gladly take it! I know of some people that are on the same regimen as myself and they are not doing well with the treatments. I can't imagine.
Celebrated my birthday on Saturday with nearly 60 of my closest friends and family at The Last Chance. Totally overwhelmed with the amount of people that came to show me love! Got some fabulous gifts, friends filled out these cards that said "tell me how fabulous you think I am" lol! Whenever I feel down I know I can just go through this box and my spirits will be lifted! My sister Jeny made the best cake I've ever had! It was one truly amazing cake and to think this is the 2nd fondant cake she's ever made! Jessica has some competition hee hee! Brooke entertained us with Bohemian Rhapsody and some Britney, the crowd loves her! Thank you to everyone who came out, I had a blast! Probably one of the best birthday's ever, right up there along side my surprise 30th birthday party. I can't imagine what my 40th will look like but I still have a few years to think about that one! I am in awe and truly reminded how blessed I am.
It's been a great day so far. Went to work then my boss took me out to lunch to my favorite Greek restaurant (Demitri's) and now we will be heading out to dinner with my family.... going to Chilli's because today kids eat free and I might just have one of their famous Presidente margarita to celebrate the occasion lol! ;)
Here's to another great year in my life!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Whoa is me- NOT!
The other night my son and I were watching TV together and a commercial came on about a cancer treatment center and the patient had lost all their hair. He turned to me and asked "mom are you gonna loose your hair?" I said "no love, mommy won't loose her hair". How do you handle curious, innocent questions for a little one wise beyond his years?
Last week was rough week. Started FMLA, was scheduled to get a port and the schedule got screwed up and I was sent to the wrong department. So then I had to postpone chemo rearrange my schedule, inconvenienced my friends and family- what a hot mess and a headache. Oh and aggravation. But my convictions got me and realized things once again happen for a reason cant get mad. Ok God I get, I got the message.
Then Wednesday everything was shut down due to the snowstorm/blizzard/snowmaggedon- whatever you wanna call it. Yes I was the one of those that said 'blah blah blah, the weatherman is always wrong and the media tends to hype things up and freak everyone out, rush to the stores to grab that last gallon of milk". Ok, so I was wrong!!! ugh. Woke up Wednesday to snow up past my front windows and snow drifts along my driveway 5 feet tall once the driveway was shoveled and plowed. And for once everything was shut down, even my company that has never closed for as long as I can remember. So I took advantaged and cooked and cooked. Can you guess what I made? Gave away a few plates to Ricky and my neighbors who helped out and later brought food over to our friends who just had a baby. What a great escape to go visit a newborn!
Thursday the schools were closed again but I had to go get my port put in. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Had bruising and it's pretty grotesque looking and just knowing I have a foreign object implanted in my chest is bizaare. The pain has lasted til even today pre-chemo treatment. I had a lot of pain and every time I laid down I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It even hurts to laugh. Today I had chemo and once again was stressing out since the area is still tender and didn't want to get poked but this was definitely worth the pain Thursday. The initial poke wasn't bad, they used some spray to numb the area though I couldn't tell, still felt the prick but it was for split second. Overall the treatment went by a little faster. Course I got there at 8:15 and was done by 1:30. For now we left my lovely extension cord or whatever you wanna call it in to save the trouble of getting poked again tomorrow then I will have completed round number 3. 3 down, 3 to go. Everything rides on hope now.
As of right now, I'm feeling ok. Not too tired but these steroid are causing some crazy cravings! Tengo hambre!! Dear God I worked so hard to loose 30 lbs, do not let them come back! In the famous words of comedian George Lopez "I hab a pain in my chess and I can't breef" but it's not as bad as yesterday. Right now I am just chillaxin by the window watching the pretty snow fall listening to some tunes. Keep praying for me as I fight the good fight. I had a whoa is me day Friday. Was feeling a mix of emotions- sad for those that have lost their battle with this ugly "c" word, angry that I have to go through this, angry for those going through this, blah blah blah. I don't wanna do this anymore. But then I snapped back to my positive attitude by Sunday because I was reminded that there is a reason for this and of course I remember all my friends and family supporting me and praying through this. I have to get a grip, I have to handle this better. I have to be strong and be an example. If I can conquer this I can conquer anything. I don't know why I am walking this long and painful road but I am not alone and this is just a small obstacle in the way. Maybe this is some sort of test from above.
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (this is the verse on my hubby's tattoo)
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Last week was rough week. Started FMLA, was scheduled to get a port and the schedule got screwed up and I was sent to the wrong department. So then I had to postpone chemo rearrange my schedule, inconvenienced my friends and family- what a hot mess and a headache. Oh and aggravation. But my convictions got me and realized things once again happen for a reason cant get mad. Ok God I get, I got the message.
Then Wednesday everything was shut down due to the snowstorm/blizzard/snowmaggedon- whatever you wanna call it. Yes I was the one of those that said 'blah blah blah, the weatherman is always wrong and the media tends to hype things up and freak everyone out, rush to the stores to grab that last gallon of milk". Ok, so I was wrong!!! ugh. Woke up Wednesday to snow up past my front windows and snow drifts along my driveway 5 feet tall once the driveway was shoveled and plowed. And for once everything was shut down, even my company that has never closed for as long as I can remember. So I took advantaged and cooked and cooked. Can you guess what I made? Gave away a few plates to Ricky and my neighbors who helped out and later brought food over to our friends who just had a baby. What a great escape to go visit a newborn!
Thursday the schools were closed again but I had to go get my port put in. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Had bruising and it's pretty grotesque looking and just knowing I have a foreign object implanted in my chest is bizaare. The pain has lasted til even today pre-chemo treatment. I had a lot of pain and every time I laid down I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It even hurts to laugh. Today I had chemo and once again was stressing out since the area is still tender and didn't want to get poked but this was definitely worth the pain Thursday. The initial poke wasn't bad, they used some spray to numb the area though I couldn't tell, still felt the prick but it was for split second. Overall the treatment went by a little faster. Course I got there at 8:15 and was done by 1:30. For now we left my lovely extension cord or whatever you wanna call it in to save the trouble of getting poked again tomorrow then I will have completed round number 3. 3 down, 3 to go. Everything rides on hope now.
As of right now, I'm feeling ok. Not too tired but these steroid are causing some crazy cravings! Tengo hambre!! Dear God I worked so hard to loose 30 lbs, do not let them come back! In the famous words of comedian George Lopez "I hab a pain in my chess and I can't breef" but it's not as bad as yesterday. Right now I am just chillaxin by the window watching the pretty snow fall listening to some tunes. Keep praying for me as I fight the good fight. I had a whoa is me day Friday. Was feeling a mix of emotions- sad for those that have lost their battle with this ugly "c" word, angry that I have to go through this, angry for those going through this, blah blah blah. I don't wanna do this anymore. But then I snapped back to my positive attitude by Sunday because I was reminded that there is a reason for this and of course I remember all my friends and family supporting me and praying through this. I have to get a grip, I have to handle this better. I have to be strong and be an example. If I can conquer this I can conquer anything. I don't know why I am walking this long and painful road but I am not alone and this is just a small obstacle in the way. Maybe this is some sort of test from above.
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (this is the verse on my hubby's tattoo)
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Turning my messes over to the MESSiah...
At church last Sunday during the worship music set I shared a thought I had using the first four letters of the word "Messiah"- Mess. Jesus has many names in the bible... Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Counselor, Friend... just to name a few. One of the songs I picked out was Jesus Messiah by Chris Tomlin and that's when it came to me.
Let's face it- we all are a mess! Some of us are a hot mess. I tend to be stubborn, moody, unpredicatable, vain, selfish, forgetful, unworthy- the list goes on. I sometimes say and do things without thinking who it will affect or who's watching. Sometimes I speak my mind when I shouldn't. I live with regrets and often dwell on the past. So where am I going with all of this? What I am trying to say is that I am not perfect and neither are any of the 6,896,205,615 people on planet Earth. If we were all so perfect meaning we lived perfect lives we would not have needed Christ to save us from our messes aka our sins! When I became a Christian, Christ took those past mistakes (my messes) and all my imperfections and made me new. He turned my MESS into a MESSage (my testimony) to share with those I know and love because He is the MESSiah! And everyone of us who have come to know Christ can share their MESSage too. You never know who you may encourage. Ok so I didn't quite elaborate during worship to that extent but I think everyone got what I was saying. And even though I am saved through grace, God continues to work on me because His work is not complete.
I've been wanting to blog since the beginning of the year but life has gotten in the way lol. =) My second round of chemo went better than the last time. I experienced some fatigue, a little nausea but by Monday that went away. My appetite is good, sometimes a little too good! The only bad thing that I continue to experience is vein damage. Two veins, one in each hand were badly damaged. In my left hand the medication literally burned one of my veins and now it's turned dark and is hard. From what I understand it probably will be useless now. Still very painful to the touch. The one in my right hand was badly bruised but I think it's almost healed. We probably will try administering the IV in my right arm for my treatment next week. I am experiencing a little anxiety about this next round. Now that I've had two different experiences I don't quite know what to expect this 3rd round next week. My emotions have been all over the place. Somedays I'm ok with the treatment, I go on about my daily business- work, come home, take care of my family and home, spend the weekends with family, friends then go to church and get refueled for the week. And then I have my moments when I am not ok with it. I'm tired- physically and emotionally. I think to myself "I can't do this anymore". But I know I can, I just have to remind myself that things could be worse and this is only temporary.
Well that's all for now, short I know. =)
Let's face it- we all are a mess! Some of us are a hot mess. I tend to be stubborn, moody, unpredicatable, vain, selfish, forgetful, unworthy- the list goes on. I sometimes say and do things without thinking who it will affect or who's watching. Sometimes I speak my mind when I shouldn't. I live with regrets and often dwell on the past. So where am I going with all of this? What I am trying to say is that I am not perfect and neither are any of the 6,896,205,615 people on planet Earth. If we were all so perfect meaning we lived perfect lives we would not have needed Christ to save us from our messes aka our sins! When I became a Christian, Christ took those past mistakes (my messes) and all my imperfections and made me new. He turned my MESS into a MESSage (my testimony) to share with those I know and love because He is the MESSiah! And everyone of us who have come to know Christ can share their MESSage too. You never know who you may encourage. Ok so I didn't quite elaborate during worship to that extent but I think everyone got what I was saying. And even though I am saved through grace, God continues to work on me because His work is not complete.
I've been wanting to blog since the beginning of the year but life has gotten in the way lol. =) My second round of chemo went better than the last time. I experienced some fatigue, a little nausea but by Monday that went away. My appetite is good, sometimes a little too good! The only bad thing that I continue to experience is vein damage. Two veins, one in each hand were badly damaged. In my left hand the medication literally burned one of my veins and now it's turned dark and is hard. From what I understand it probably will be useless now. Still very painful to the touch. The one in my right hand was badly bruised but I think it's almost healed. We probably will try administering the IV in my right arm for my treatment next week. I am experiencing a little anxiety about this next round. Now that I've had two different experiences I don't quite know what to expect this 3rd round next week. My emotions have been all over the place. Somedays I'm ok with the treatment, I go on about my daily business- work, come home, take care of my family and home, spend the weekends with family, friends then go to church and get refueled for the week. And then I have my moments when I am not ok with it. I'm tired- physically and emotionally. I think to myself "I can't do this anymore". But I know I can, I just have to remind myself that things could be worse and this is only temporary.
Well that's all for now, short I know. =)
Friday, January 7, 2011
First blog of the year... a little late in the game!
"How did a young girl like you wind up in a place like this?" Said the man sitting next to me during treatment yesterday. I wanted to give him the Indian bobble head response (which in the Indian culture means you don't have an answer but don't want to be rude so you shake your head from side to side) but instead I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. How did I end up here? Guess I won't know the answer to that until I walk through those pearly white gates and meet Jesus. God often puts unfortunate circumstances in our laps to bring us closer to Him. That's how I look at it anyway and so far it's working.
Round 2 day one didn't start off well. My nurse tried a new vein on my right hand and apparently it wasn't a good choice. Intense pain and sweat was my immediate reaction. Wanted to cry but I didn't. So onto the left hand and pain is what I have been feeling ever since. I can type fine but if I ever so gently touch a spot on the top of my hand I must be irritating a nerve ending or something and I send myself into a shock of pain. that lingers for a few minutes. No bueno. Gonna ask Dr. Chung for some pain killers. Treatment flew by much faster. Did 100mg every half hour vs 50 mg like last time. That intial increase from 100 to 200 gave me a slight tightning in my chest and I could immediately taste the Rituxan in the back of my throat but it only last 30 seconds or so. Other than that I have a great appetite. Woke up at 4:30 in the morning wide awake and didn't fall back asleep til hubby left for work after 6:30. Overslept and was awakened by my mother in law. Thank God she came otherwise the two younger ones would have been uber late for school. TGIF! Going for my second dose of Bendamustine at 1:00 today. Let's hope the veins cooperate. Maybe I should go down a gallon of water to juice up the veins.
Holidays. I realize that I never posted how our holidays were here in the Bueno household. Truly blessed is an understatement. We were able to give the kids a good Christmas, not that gifts are what Christmas is about but they're kids and don't quite fully understand that Jesus is the greatest gift that keeps on giving. New years was awesome. We brought in the new year at my favorite hangout with my husband, a few of his old friends and some of my best friends and seeeestesr, doing what we all do best- KARAOKE hahaha! If you haven't seen the videos on my facebook page yet what are you waiting for, you will be throughourly entertained! The next day we celebrated my bestie's Jenny's birthday at her house surrounded by more of my bestest life long friends and family and food galore! I thought getting on the scale was gonna be grim but to my surprise I actually lost a few! Good times with good friends and family- we are blessed to have started the new year off this way. Tuesday was my seeeester Brooke's birthday, yes lots of birthdays this month! We had a great time at Tsukasa of Tokyo- love that place! Friends, save your pennies cuz I think that's where I wanna go for my birthday next month!
Dummie me did something so dumb but God is good and problem was solved. Here I am thinking how savvy I am when it comes to computers and technology but twice in one night I was stumped. First of all I wiped out all 790 something songs off my iPod touch by accident. I uploaded iTunes 10.1 to the new laptop and was distracted by the TV and accidently hit yes to restore the iPod. Good one Mel. Ok, not a big deal, just go to the other laptop and upload the songs on their you say? Well two weeks ago I purchased an external hard drive to back up pictures and my entire iTunes library but somewhere along the lines I didn't save the music correctly. Everything was gone. Spent hours trying to recover it all through all the recommendation on the Apple support site and ended up begging Apple through email to let me re-download all my purchases. To make a long story short Apple not only responded in a timely manner, they were kind enough to give me everything back! Shocking huh? Let's just say it's a lesson learned! Then also on Monday I tried reconnecting the tv in our basement to the cable and normally that is not an issue for me but once again something wasn't working. Well duh. Because the cable box upstairs is a DVR and the one downstairs isn't, it didn't use component channel 1, just good old channel 3. Boy did I feel dumb. **insert sheepish look here**
I started reading The Unusual Suspect by our friend Stephen Baldwin on the Kindle. If you know me you know I am not much of a reader but when I do find a good book (i.e. The Shack) I can't put it down. I am facinated how someone so deeply rooted in Hollywood could come to the conclusion that he is a sinner and that this life here on earth is temporary and that he too needed a savior. Good stuff. Read it if you haven't already. Now if the rest of the Baldwin brothers could catch on....
Last night two of my besties did something very humbling that brings tears to my eyes as I type this. They both went and got lime green tatoos which is the official ribbon color for lymphoma cancer. Jeny got a purple start with the ribbon hanging from it along with music notes because music is my passion. It looks beautiful! Jenny got a treble clef in green on her wrist and the color is awesome! Thank you guys, I don't know what else to say!
Well I gotta get moving here. Gotta make up my bed, eat some grub and jump in the shower. I'm sitting here on the couch watching Rachael Ray and I'm salavating! But before I go I leave you all with a verse that has been my verse of the week.... from Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Tootles! Stay thirsty my friends! ;)
Round 2 day one didn't start off well. My nurse tried a new vein on my right hand and apparently it wasn't a good choice. Intense pain and sweat was my immediate reaction. Wanted to cry but I didn't. So onto the left hand and pain is what I have been feeling ever since. I can type fine but if I ever so gently touch a spot on the top of my hand I must be irritating a nerve ending or something and I send myself into a shock of pain. that lingers for a few minutes. No bueno. Gonna ask Dr. Chung for some pain killers. Treatment flew by much faster. Did 100mg every half hour vs 50 mg like last time. That intial increase from 100 to 200 gave me a slight tightning in my chest and I could immediately taste the Rituxan in the back of my throat but it only last 30 seconds or so. Other than that I have a great appetite. Woke up at 4:30 in the morning wide awake and didn't fall back asleep til hubby left for work after 6:30. Overslept and was awakened by my mother in law. Thank God she came otherwise the two younger ones would have been uber late for school. TGIF! Going for my second dose of Bendamustine at 1:00 today. Let's hope the veins cooperate. Maybe I should go down a gallon of water to juice up the veins.
Holidays. I realize that I never posted how our holidays were here in the Bueno household. Truly blessed is an understatement. We were able to give the kids a good Christmas, not that gifts are what Christmas is about but they're kids and don't quite fully understand that Jesus is the greatest gift that keeps on giving. New years was awesome. We brought in the new year at my favorite hangout with my husband, a few of his old friends and some of my best friends and seeeestesr, doing what we all do best- KARAOKE hahaha! If you haven't seen the videos on my facebook page yet what are you waiting for, you will be throughourly entertained! The next day we celebrated my bestie's Jenny's birthday at her house surrounded by more of my bestest life long friends and family and food galore! I thought getting on the scale was gonna be grim but to my surprise I actually lost a few! Good times with good friends and family- we are blessed to have started the new year off this way. Tuesday was my seeeester Brooke's birthday, yes lots of birthdays this month! We had a great time at Tsukasa of Tokyo- love that place! Friends, save your pennies cuz I think that's where I wanna go for my birthday next month!
Dummie me did something so dumb but God is good and problem was solved. Here I am thinking how savvy I am when it comes to computers and technology but twice in one night I was stumped. First of all I wiped out all 790 something songs off my iPod touch by accident. I uploaded iTunes 10.1 to the new laptop and was distracted by the TV and accidently hit yes to restore the iPod. Good one Mel. Ok, not a big deal, just go to the other laptop and upload the songs on their you say? Well two weeks ago I purchased an external hard drive to back up pictures and my entire iTunes library but somewhere along the lines I didn't save the music correctly. Everything was gone. Spent hours trying to recover it all through all the recommendation on the Apple support site and ended up begging Apple through email to let me re-download all my purchases. To make a long story short Apple not only responded in a timely manner, they were kind enough to give me everything back! Shocking huh? Let's just say it's a lesson learned! Then also on Monday I tried reconnecting the tv in our basement to the cable and normally that is not an issue for me but once again something wasn't working. Well duh. Because the cable box upstairs is a DVR and the one downstairs isn't, it didn't use component channel 1, just good old channel 3. Boy did I feel dumb. **insert sheepish look here**
I started reading The Unusual Suspect by our friend Stephen Baldwin on the Kindle. If you know me you know I am not much of a reader but when I do find a good book (i.e. The Shack) I can't put it down. I am facinated how someone so deeply rooted in Hollywood could come to the conclusion that he is a sinner and that this life here on earth is temporary and that he too needed a savior. Good stuff. Read it if you haven't already. Now if the rest of the Baldwin brothers could catch on....
Last night two of my besties did something very humbling that brings tears to my eyes as I type this. They both went and got lime green tatoos which is the official ribbon color for lymphoma cancer. Jeny got a purple start with the ribbon hanging from it along with music notes because music is my passion. It looks beautiful! Jenny got a treble clef in green on her wrist and the color is awesome! Thank you guys, I don't know what else to say!
Well I gotta get moving here. Gotta make up my bed, eat some grub and jump in the shower. I'm sitting here on the couch watching Rachael Ray and I'm salavating! But before I go I leave you all with a verse that has been my verse of the week.... from Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[b] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Tootles! Stay thirsty my friends! ;)
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Jesus is the reason for the season!
I'm beginning to stress out a just a little bit. Christmas is two days away. I still have a few gifts to get, I haven't wrapped one thing. I cannot believe how fast not only this month went but this entire year. I've had all year to contemplate what I'm buying for my family yet here I am December 22nd still needing to buy a few things not just for them though. I barely started writing out my Christmas cards. And I'm not gonna pull the chemo card on this one! Procastination is my middle name. Always has always been!
But I am really excited for some friends of mine tying the knot this Friday! Congratulations Mike and Kathy! No turning back now lol! I will making the dinner for them and their 95 + guests . I won't be there for the actually ceremony, I had already committed myself to this years Christmas eve service at my church but I will be back in time for the reception. =) But getting back to the Christmas eve service... I am so stinkin' excited! I love Christmas and singing songs about our savior, even the secular songs they play on the radio! So this Friday my awesome team of musicians, Jessica Dresser and yours truly will be leading God's people into song to get you in the spirit. We also have some special performances by some really cool people and our children too! Some of the songs we're be playing are: O Holy Night, Mary Did you know, Breath of Heaven, Silent Night and the list goes on! We may even close out with Feliz Navidad lol! =)
As far as how I'm feeling well I believe a few days ago I mentioned on facebook that I just want my stomach back- appetite and all. I still continue to have intestinal problems but other than that I think after nearly two weeks I have finally gained my appetite back. I actually can think of certain foods and actually have it sound appealing! Thank you Jesus! Now if I could just get my tummy to stop making obnoxious sounds and eliminate the pains every now and then I'd be a happy camper!
Rant: Haven't this for a while! I find it really annoying when people abbreviate Christmas as "xmas" don't take CHRIST out of Christmas people! It wouldn't be Christmas without him! He is the reason for the season! Also I have to rant about the fact that there were no Christmas sprinkles at Walmart last night. Very disappointing!
Praise: Well along with getting an appetite back I have to boast about how blessed my family is. I have an amazing support system and God has been just blessing us left and right. He always knows our needs!
If I don't get back on til after Christmas I just want everyone to how thankful I am for all your love and support. May God bless you and your families this Christmas!
But I am really excited for some friends of mine tying the knot this Friday! Congratulations Mike and Kathy! No turning back now lol! I will making the dinner for them and their 95 + guests . I won't be there for the actually ceremony, I had already committed myself to this years Christmas eve service at my church but I will be back in time for the reception. =) But getting back to the Christmas eve service... I am so stinkin' excited! I love Christmas and singing songs about our savior, even the secular songs they play on the radio! So this Friday my awesome team of musicians, Jessica Dresser and yours truly will be leading God's people into song to get you in the spirit. We also have some special performances by some really cool people and our children too! Some of the songs we're be playing are: O Holy Night, Mary Did you know, Breath of Heaven, Silent Night and the list goes on! We may even close out with Feliz Navidad lol! =)
As far as how I'm feeling well I believe a few days ago I mentioned on facebook that I just want my stomach back- appetite and all. I still continue to have intestinal problems but other than that I think after nearly two weeks I have finally gained my appetite back. I actually can think of certain foods and actually have it sound appealing! Thank you Jesus! Now if I could just get my tummy to stop making obnoxious sounds and eliminate the pains every now and then I'd be a happy camper!
Rant: Haven't this for a while! I find it really annoying when people abbreviate Christmas as "xmas" don't take CHRIST out of Christmas people! It wouldn't be Christmas without him! He is the reason for the season! Also I have to rant about the fact that there were no Christmas sprinkles at Walmart last night. Very disappointing!
Praise: Well along with getting an appetite back I have to boast about how blessed my family is. I have an amazing support system and God has been just blessing us left and right. He always knows our needs!
If I don't get back on til after Christmas I just want everyone to how thankful I am for all your love and support. May God bless you and your families this Christmas!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
What cocktail are you drinking?
Me? Oh Rituxan and Bendamustine every 28 days. Last Thursday was day one of two days rounds of chemo. I think I have felt every emotional humanly possible last week. The Thursday prior was the day I was told "it's time" and there was little room for arguement. As I said before I wanted to wait til after the holidays. I mean come on I felt great except for the tumor trying to grow bigger by the minute. A little pain here and there but nothing this girl here couldn't tolerate. But because it's growing and because the last CT scan was in October, the chances of it growing at a steady rate was pretty significant so I lost the arguement. Whoa is me. I gave in and said fine and tried to have a positive attitude but then I just cried in the car for a few minutes then said to myself "suck it up buttercup, it's gonna be ok!" From there I stopped at my good friend Veronica's house and had a good visit with her and her new little man. Babies always cheer me up, especially newborns. Good reminder of how precious life is and what a blessing it is to be alive despite the circumstances.
I did quite a bit of pondering and prepping but one can never prepare too much. By Tuesday I bottled myself up. Just wasn't in the mood to be chatty Cathy, to give updates, to say anything. Even had a slight blow up at home with the kids and when I look back it was rather petty. Weds. I was feeling peaceful again, met with the nurse practioner and got the low down on what to expect and I walked out of there with my husand and best friend at myside feeling very positive, very encouraged tht this new drug was going to get this cancer out of me. It was like having God's hand upon me saying it's gonna be ok dear daughter of mine. Plus just knowing that I have hundreds of friends not only here in IL but as far east as NY down to Texas and out far west as California praying for little ol' me is overwhelming. I slept rather well, maybe woke up a few times but drifted back to sleep. I think at one point I even felt that I had gotten it done and over with but yet it was just a dream. Just a dream.
I arrived at 9:00 am sharp with my sister and best friend Brooke Elizabeth by my side to start the day. Anxiety tried to creep it's way in as usualy but Jesus took the wheel. Got the blood drawn again, met with Dr. Chung and then said let's do this. Started the IV **ouchie** Benadryl, steroids and Pepcid cocktails- all pre meds for 30 minutes then the fun began at about 10:15ish. Did well for the first 100 mg but then at about 1 hour and 30 minutes and another 50 mg increase I had an allergic reaction so the meds had to be stopped immediately and my dr. had to be called in. All it was really was itching in my throat and some difficulty in breathing but we continued once everything subsided. Also had some pain and coldness in my wrist was I was told happens. A port is sounding mighty appealing. Then the hubby and my Jenny came to take over the afternoon shift. Brought me some Portillos but unfortunately the side effect of having no appetite already started but I was a good girl and finished my lunch 3 hours later. Anyway, this lasted til about 5ish and I was finally able to leave. Looking around that day the majority of patients were older, I mean WISER people. I got a lot of stares, awkward looks as if I didn't belong there but I do belong there that's the problem.
Day two wasn't too bad. Had my "Jenanane" with to keep me company and by 11:30 we were done. We had lunch at Silk Mandarin where we ran into some friends, must be a happening lunch spot in Vernon Hills. From there we headed home and I crashed for the day. Friday night I was suprised with flowers from a dear friend. Flowers make me smile. I did well all weekend, even went about my usual business doing attending the annual Angel Tree ministry party for the kids and their families, did some karaoke w/friends on Saturday night because life does need to go on as usual. But on Sunday my body took a nose dive. I woke up feeling good, lead worship at church and was suprisingly blessed with a basket of goodies from my church family. I am still in awe of their generosity and thoughtfulness of putting together such a heartfelt basket to get me through this time. The weather outside was terrible so it was a perfect day to just rest up as God intended us to do and rest is what I did. I slept from about 3 til around 7. Woke up to a delightful dinner made by my awesome hubby by but 9 I was overcome by pain in my stomach and this lasted all night. I cannot remember the last time I was this sick from both ends to speak lightly. I was in the bathroom every hour on the hour til 6 am. I hardly remember Monday, slept most of the day in between trying to drink Gatarade and Vitamin water to keep from getting dehydrated. Today is Tuesday and while the violent vomiting only lasted for a few hours into Monday morning the other end is still in recovery mode. I'm almost certain its from the chemo because I'm sure the rest of the Bueno's would be just as ill by now. I'm starting to gain my appetite little by little thank you Jesus. I will shock most by this statement but I have not had coffee since Saturday. Must be some sort of record or I really am sick! God willing I will be back in the office tomorrow. I can imagine the stack of work and emails awaiting for me at my little 8x8 cubicle I call my second home. One can only watch so much TV and I've been too lazy to go down and grab the laptop til now.
Well my friends that is my story from the last week and a half in a nutshell. I apologize for keeping a majority of you in suspense as to how my first treatment went. Continued prayers for healing and that God would get me through these next few months, it's a long road. A long journey to say the least.
I did quite a bit of pondering and prepping but one can never prepare too much. By Tuesday I bottled myself up. Just wasn't in the mood to be chatty Cathy, to give updates, to say anything. Even had a slight blow up at home with the kids and when I look back it was rather petty. Weds. I was feeling peaceful again, met with the nurse practioner and got the low down on what to expect and I walked out of there with my husand and best friend at myside feeling very positive, very encouraged tht this new drug was going to get this cancer out of me. It was like having God's hand upon me saying it's gonna be ok dear daughter of mine. Plus just knowing that I have hundreds of friends not only here in IL but as far east as NY down to Texas and out far west as California praying for little ol' me is overwhelming. I slept rather well, maybe woke up a few times but drifted back to sleep. I think at one point I even felt that I had gotten it done and over with but yet it was just a dream. Just a dream.
I arrived at 9:00 am sharp with my sister and best friend Brooke Elizabeth by my side to start the day. Anxiety tried to creep it's way in as usualy but Jesus took the wheel. Got the blood drawn again, met with Dr. Chung and then said let's do this. Started the IV **ouchie** Benadryl, steroids and Pepcid cocktails- all pre meds for 30 minutes then the fun began at about 10:15ish. Did well for the first 100 mg but then at about 1 hour and 30 minutes and another 50 mg increase I had an allergic reaction so the meds had to be stopped immediately and my dr. had to be called in. All it was really was itching in my throat and some difficulty in breathing but we continued once everything subsided. Also had some pain and coldness in my wrist was I was told happens. A port is sounding mighty appealing. Then the hubby and my Jenny came to take over the afternoon shift. Brought me some Portillos but unfortunately the side effect of having no appetite already started but I was a good girl and finished my lunch 3 hours later. Anyway, this lasted til about 5ish and I was finally able to leave. Looking around that day the majority of patients were older, I mean WISER people. I got a lot of stares, awkward looks as if I didn't belong there but I do belong there that's the problem.
Day two wasn't too bad. Had my "Jenanane" with to keep me company and by 11:30 we were done. We had lunch at Silk Mandarin where we ran into some friends, must be a happening lunch spot in Vernon Hills. From there we headed home and I crashed for the day. Friday night I was suprised with flowers from a dear friend. Flowers make me smile. I did well all weekend, even went about my usual business doing attending the annual Angel Tree ministry party for the kids and their families, did some karaoke w/friends on Saturday night because life does need to go on as usual. But on Sunday my body took a nose dive. I woke up feeling good, lead worship at church and was suprisingly blessed with a basket of goodies from my church family. I am still in awe of their generosity and thoughtfulness of putting together such a heartfelt basket to get me through this time. The weather outside was terrible so it was a perfect day to just rest up as God intended us to do and rest is what I did. I slept from about 3 til around 7. Woke up to a delightful dinner made by my awesome hubby by but 9 I was overcome by pain in my stomach and this lasted all night. I cannot remember the last time I was this sick from both ends to speak lightly. I was in the bathroom every hour on the hour til 6 am. I hardly remember Monday, slept most of the day in between trying to drink Gatarade and Vitamin water to keep from getting dehydrated. Today is Tuesday and while the violent vomiting only lasted for a few hours into Monday morning the other end is still in recovery mode. I'm almost certain its from the chemo because I'm sure the rest of the Bueno's would be just as ill by now. I'm starting to gain my appetite little by little thank you Jesus. I will shock most by this statement but I have not had coffee since Saturday. Must be some sort of record or I really am sick! God willing I will be back in the office tomorrow. I can imagine the stack of work and emails awaiting for me at my little 8x8 cubicle I call my second home. One can only watch so much TV and I've been too lazy to go down and grab the laptop til now.
Well my friends that is my story from the last week and a half in a nutshell. I apologize for keeping a majority of you in suspense as to how my first treatment went. Continued prayers for healing and that God would get me through these next few months, it's a long road. A long journey to say the least.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
No watching and waiting for me.....
I received confirmation the other day from Dr. Kline that I should start chemotherapy vs watching and waiting. Rituxan and Bendamustine for 6 rounds, at 3 months another CT Scan to see if the tumor is shrinking. I'm glad that radiation is not recommended at this time but I'm also terrified to start the chemo. Once again I did my research and here's what scares me so far:
"Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing. Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur. The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss. Different drugs may affect different parts of the body."-
Great! On the brightside if this is what it takes to get me healthy again, bring it on as they say in cheerleading! And yes I am fully aware that there are drugs to help overcome the "side effects". However I did read that Rituxan does not cause hair loss. Thank God even though bald is beautiful and the thought of maybe being able to go red or blonde for a short time is rather intriguing! Anyway, hope to know more tomorrow when meet with my doctor to discuss when to start. I say let's wait til after Christmas because who knows when I will be back to being "me" again. =( Course it doesn't help that the fatigue and pains from the tumor have started. Is it selfish to wanna wait til after New Years?
On another note, we had a great Thanksgiving. I had about 22 family member's over for our annual gathering. I think everyone had a great time and we were stuffed. I stuck to my guns even though the sister in law was trying to get me out on Black Friday **waves fist at Juana** HAHA didn't work!! If I was going to venture out at 4 am it would have been to Target for that $33 stainless steel microwave but I said it wasn't worth it, there really wasn't anything getting out that early for this year. She found a new partner in crime (my daughter/her niece) so hoperfully that sufficed and my apologies for breaking tradish... Maybe next year sis if time, money and of course my health permits!!! But I must say it was so nice to sleep in and not to lift a finger all day Friday, course by 6 I was already sleeping, not sure if it was fatigue or pure laziness but Sunday the fatigued hit me about 2 PM even after a good night's rest. Made a note to the dr on that along with the occasionaly twinges of pains for the abdomen, it's gotta be the tumor. Hmmm....
The rest of the week has been flying. If I get any busier at work I will need a clone! I have enough work for about 3 of me's for the next 3 months- course the world couldn't handle another me let alone 3! Started working on the Christmas eve service and songs for church. I love me some Christmas music! It's the most wonderful time of the year! Then this weeeknd is Mya's last cheer competition, they made some great changes to their routine so I feel good about this weekend no doubt! It's bitter sweet for sure.
RANT: You all know me and how much I just love leftovers. I think just about anything taste better the second time around, especially Italian food. My family, not so much. So you can take a wild guess as to who's been eating all the leftovers! Yours truly! The line "you know, there are starvin' children in Africa" doesn't work on them. Well one can only eat so many and by Tuesday I had to toss out some things. **sigh** I hate wasting food!
Praise: Mya said during Awana's tonight that the leader asked if anyone had any prayer requests and she spoke up and said "for my mom, she has cancer" and then they prayed. Takes a lot for a 9 year old to not only say what's on their heart but to be outspoken like that especially when it comes to praying and praying for others. She melts my heart sometimes, God bless her!
Good night, sweet dreams my friends....
"Chemotherapy is most effective at killing cells that are rapidly dividing. Unfortunately, chemotherapy does not know the difference between the cancerous cells and the normal cells. The "normal" cells will grow back and be healthy but in the meantime, side effects occur. The "normal" cells most commonly affected by chemotherapy are the blood cells, the cells in the mouth, stomach and bowel, and the hair follicles; resulting in low blood counts, mouth sores, nausea, diarrhea, and/or hair loss. Different drugs may affect different parts of the body."-
Great! On the brightside if this is what it takes to get me healthy again, bring it on as they say in cheerleading! And yes I am fully aware that there are drugs to help overcome the "side effects". However I did read that Rituxan does not cause hair loss. Thank God even though bald is beautiful and the thought of maybe being able to go red or blonde for a short time is rather intriguing! Anyway, hope to know more tomorrow when meet with my doctor to discuss when to start. I say let's wait til after Christmas because who knows when I will be back to being "me" again. =( Course it doesn't help that the fatigue and pains from the tumor have started. Is it selfish to wanna wait til after New Years?
On another note, we had a great Thanksgiving. I had about 22 family member's over for our annual gathering. I think everyone had a great time and we were stuffed. I stuck to my guns even though the sister in law was trying to get me out on Black Friday **waves fist at Juana** HAHA didn't work!! If I was going to venture out at 4 am it would have been to Target for that $33 stainless steel microwave but I said it wasn't worth it, there really wasn't anything getting out that early for this year. She found a new partner in crime (my daughter/her niece) so hoperfully that sufficed and my apologies for breaking tradish... Maybe next year sis if time, money and of course my health permits!!! But I must say it was so nice to sleep in and not to lift a finger all day Friday, course by 6 I was already sleeping, not sure if it was fatigue or pure laziness but Sunday the fatigued hit me about 2 PM even after a good night's rest. Made a note to the dr on that along with the occasionaly twinges of pains for the abdomen, it's gotta be the tumor. Hmmm....
The rest of the week has been flying. If I get any busier at work I will need a clone! I have enough work for about 3 of me's for the next 3 months- course the world couldn't handle another me let alone 3! Started working on the Christmas eve service and songs for church. I love me some Christmas music! It's the most wonderful time of the year! Then this weeeknd is Mya's last cheer competition, they made some great changes to their routine so I feel good about this weekend no doubt! It's bitter sweet for sure.
RANT: You all know me and how much I just love leftovers. I think just about anything taste better the second time around, especially Italian food. My family, not so much. So you can take a wild guess as to who's been eating all the leftovers! Yours truly! The line "you know, there are starvin' children in Africa" doesn't work on them. Well one can only eat so many and by Tuesday I had to toss out some things. **sigh** I hate wasting food!
Praise: Mya said during Awana's tonight that the leader asked if anyone had any prayer requests and she spoke up and said "for my mom, she has cancer" and then they prayed. Takes a lot for a 9 year old to not only say what's on their heart but to be outspoken like that especially when it comes to praying and praying for others. She melts my heart sometimes, God bless her!
Good night, sweet dreams my friends....
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