It's been one year since that cold fall day. A day that I remember so well. "I'm sorry, I wish I had better news". After a momentary breakdown I chose to get some answers and get them fast. I remember pacing the 4th floor hallway at my work, making my first appointment at the oncologist office. An oncologist. One doctor I thought I'd never have the privilege of meeting or to have to interact with. After the repeated confirmations from several tests and another specialist, I decided I can either throw a pity party or I can kick the crap out of this cancer.
I won't forget the pain of the bone marrow test. I shudder at the thought of the pain I went through, having a needle shoved into my bones with no sedation. I remember crying for hours like a baby. I remember being told I went from a stage 2 to a stage 4 because the cancer was in my bone marrow. I remember jokingly asking Dr. Chung to wait til after the holidays to start chemo but she assured me I'd be ok in time for Christmas. I remember my first day of treatment. I remember being starred at by what was a majority of older people as I got my first round. I remember the intense burning sensation in my veins as the medicine was pumped through. I remember feeling like I was sufficating which is a common side effect when first receiving Rituxan. I remember being up all night sick as a dog last December. I remember how horrible my hands looked for the first couple of months from being poked and it lasting for days. I remember getting on the scale and seeing the numbers 118, my lowest weight I had been in years. I remember the way my hands looked from the needles and from having the Bendamustine burn my veins. I remember calling my Doctor, begging her to send in an order to get a port put in because my hands were in so much pain I couldn't even type or do simple things like hold a glass of water without being in pain. I remember the way I felt for a week after getting the port, like someone punched my in the chest several times. I remember sitting in that chair for hours on end twice a month. I remember how weak and tired I felt for days, weeks, months through the course of the treatments. I remember being nauseaus after my premeds wore off. I remember all the horrible things I went through but reminded myself it could be worse than this. I could be gone.
I remember the kindess of the nurses. I remember the stories from talking with other cancer patients. I remember feeling that my situtaion wasn't as bad and being grateful. I remember all the encouraging notes, emails, texts messages, gestures and love I gained from friends, co workers and family. I remember the prayer service and the amazing turnout just for me. I remember growing closer with God. I remember my last day of receiving the chemo drug, I prayed to never have to have it again. I remember June 21st receiving the good news from my doctor that the tumor was down to nothing and the lymphoma had gone away. I remember seeing my husband and best friend cry tears of happiness that I had won the battle. I remember feeling like I was dreaming but knew it was reality.
Cancer is something we all have inside of us whether we know it or not. And for some of us that cancer takes over our body just like it did mine. But with faith and of course the incredible medical research studies that found a drug that was mild and allowed me to keep my hair, I was able to rid of it for the most part. There is no cure for lymphoma. There is always that small percentage that it could come back at any time which is why I receive Rituxan infusions 6 times a year. A small price to pay for the chance of being able to watch my kids grow.
Today I feel great. Going through this pushed me to pursue new opportunties and to not be so afraid to step out of my comfort zone. I don't know why God put me through this, He often does things that we just can't understand but there is a reason to all of the pain one goes through. There is a saying a lot of people use, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle". I beg the differ. I think he does give us more than we can handle as a test on how we handle the situation. I often have been told "You're so strong, I don't know what I would have done if I received that kind of news". The answer to that is "you never know how strong you are until you have to go through it yourself and then you discover a strength you never knew you had".
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
This is the first day of the rest of your life Melissa....
This is the first day of the rest of your life
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright
"Hold us together" by Matt Maher
I titled my blog today that because today is the first day of the rest of my life. And so far what a hot emotional mess I have been! I finished my 6th and (hopefully) last round of chemo yesterday. Didn't really hit me that I was done til after I left my oncology office yesterday. I did it! So where do we go from here you ask? Well don't stop the prayers thats for sure! I will be on pins and needles for a while. I cannot say I am in remission but I feel confident that this treatment has done the job. I will know where I stand in about 6 weeks =) Thank you for all your prayers and support my friends!
So today is Friday and I'm at home and still an emotional mess. One minute I'm cracking up while talking to my friend through IM chat on facebook then the next minute I'm showering and I just start bawling! Has that ever happened to you? See my oldest daughter is graduating this month from 8th grade and I guess it just hit me how fast these years have gone by. I feel like it was just yesterday we were dropping her off at her first day of kindergarten and yes I cried that day too. I still remember the little purple outfit we bought her and exactly how she looked, how nervous she felt and how nervous I felt for her. To this day purple is still hr favorite color lol! It got easier with the other two kids. Last night I told my son "can you stay my baby forever? " He gets so mad when I call him baby but he will always be! Ladies, cherish your babies because before you know it you will be wondering where time went like I am right now.
I love all my kids but Maricela is my first born and she holds a very special place in my heart. I think anymore who has more than one kid can relate (oh God here I go again lol). I think with Mother's Day being on Sunday it gives me renewed sense of what being a mother is all about. I started motherhood fairly young. I was 18 when I learned I was pregnant and I was so not ready. But it was because of her that I was able to wake up and make something out of myself for her sake because at that time I had no idea what the future had in store. Am I happy with what I've become? Well career wise not so much but I do love my job and my company. But am I content with where my life is NOW as a wife and mother- absolutely. I am blessed beyond belief and wouldn't change it for a thing, not even living with cancer.
Another reason why I am an emotional wreck today is that God has really been convicting me lately about where our hard earned money is going to. I drive a fairly large SUV to and from work each day. That's 50 miles round trip. Not to mention the in between driving to the stores, running the kids here and there, yadda yadda. And as everyone knows the gas is not going down anytime soon. So with a high payment, gas and maintence God really has been convicting me and we decided that it's time to downsize back to smaller family car. =( I really like my Durango. Has never given me problems and comes in handy when transporting more than 5 people because it seats 8 and it's really nice when you gotta lug large amounts of stuff but I can't justify spending the money on it anymore (run on sentence I know, my HS english teacher would probably slap my hand). So buh bye black beauty, it's been fun.... parting is such sweet sorrow. I don't think I've ever been emotionally attached to a vehicle. Pretty weird I know lol! **sigh**
Well friends that's all for now. I have been sitting around all morning so it's time to get cracking. Gotta clean black beauty out, finish the laundry and maybe eat if my stomach will tolerate something right now. Much love to all my friends who are mom's! May God bless you on this Mother's Day and always- enjoy the day and make sure you get pampered and treated like the queen you are!
Proverbs 31....
This is the first day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light
It's gonna be alright s´gonna be alright
"Hold us together" by Matt Maher
I titled my blog today that because today is the first day of the rest of my life. And so far what a hot emotional mess I have been! I finished my 6th and (hopefully) last round of chemo yesterday. Didn't really hit me that I was done til after I left my oncology office yesterday. I did it! So where do we go from here you ask? Well don't stop the prayers thats for sure! I will be on pins and needles for a while. I cannot say I am in remission but I feel confident that this treatment has done the job. I will know where I stand in about 6 weeks =) Thank you for all your prayers and support my friends!
So today is Friday and I'm at home and still an emotional mess. One minute I'm cracking up while talking to my friend through IM chat on facebook then the next minute I'm showering and I just start bawling! Has that ever happened to you? See my oldest daughter is graduating this month from 8th grade and I guess it just hit me how fast these years have gone by. I feel like it was just yesterday we were dropping her off at her first day of kindergarten and yes I cried that day too. I still remember the little purple outfit we bought her and exactly how she looked, how nervous she felt and how nervous I felt for her. To this day purple is still hr favorite color lol! It got easier with the other two kids. Last night I told my son "can you stay my baby forever? " He gets so mad when I call him baby but he will always be! Ladies, cherish your babies because before you know it you will be wondering where time went like I am right now.
I love all my kids but Maricela is my first born and she holds a very special place in my heart. I think anymore who has more than one kid can relate (oh God here I go again lol). I think with Mother's Day being on Sunday it gives me renewed sense of what being a mother is all about. I started motherhood fairly young. I was 18 when I learned I was pregnant and I was so not ready. But it was because of her that I was able to wake up and make something out of myself for her sake because at that time I had no idea what the future had in store. Am I happy with what I've become? Well career wise not so much but I do love my job and my company. But am I content with where my life is NOW as a wife and mother- absolutely. I am blessed beyond belief and wouldn't change it for a thing, not even living with cancer.
Another reason why I am an emotional wreck today is that God has really been convicting me lately about where our hard earned money is going to. I drive a fairly large SUV to and from work each day. That's 50 miles round trip. Not to mention the in between driving to the stores, running the kids here and there, yadda yadda. And as everyone knows the gas is not going down anytime soon. So with a high payment, gas and maintence God really has been convicting me and we decided that it's time to downsize back to smaller family car. =( I really like my Durango. Has never given me problems and comes in handy when transporting more than 5 people because it seats 8 and it's really nice when you gotta lug large amounts of stuff but I can't justify spending the money on it anymore (run on sentence I know, my HS english teacher would probably slap my hand). So buh bye black beauty, it's been fun.... parting is such sweet sorrow. I don't think I've ever been emotionally attached to a vehicle. Pretty weird I know lol! **sigh**
Well friends that's all for now. I have been sitting around all morning so it's time to get cracking. Gotta clean black beauty out, finish the laundry and maybe eat if my stomach will tolerate something right now. Much love to all my friends who are mom's! May God bless you on this Mother's Day and always- enjoy the day and make sure you get pampered and treated like the queen you are!
Proverbs 31....
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things,but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned,and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Thank you....
This was an email I sent out but in case I missed anyone that I don't have email addresses for this is what I sent....
I just wanted to personally thank everyone for supporting me thus far in my journey! Saturday's prayer service for me was beyond what I imagined so thank you to Juana, Ricky, "my Jeny and Jenny" and my Pastors for all your effort and for the idea! God's presence was so evident. Thank you to Jessica, Liz, Jeremy, Jim and Brad for taking the time to practice and lead us in worship, it was beautiful! Thank you to everyone who came out and for those that couldn't make it I know you have been praying me through this long journey so thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love you all!
I wanted to share a testimony with you that I shared already with some of you already about God's awesomeness. As you know I have pretty good health insurance but each round of chemo is quite pricey... anywhere from $15,000 to $20,000 each time. I took the high deductable which I met very early on this year and after the deductable is met I am responsible for 10% which doesn't sound like much but when you are at the doctor's 4-5 times a month it adds up fast. Ricky and I both work full time but like a lot of people we live check to check and there's not much room for savings. I also have numerous accounts from Condell for the surgeries I've had and all the testing I've needed there and have been paying what I can as often as possible.
I received a bill from my oncologist on Saturday just before heading over to the prayer service for $1,834.00. This is just for January and February so billing is a little behind. A love offering was collected during the service and I am STILL in awe at how much He provided. There was $1,859.00 collected. Now if someone is skeptical that God doesn't know our needs or provides that is total confirmation about how great our God is that we serve. One day I hope to pay it forward.
My biggest fear right now is not the medical expenses. God has come through so many times, I have countless stories of how many ways He has met our needs. My concern is that I am going through this chemo and it's not working. The tumor in my abdomen is more evident than ever and I am experiencing more pain on a daily basis where as before I didn't even know it was there. I also seem to be experiencing more fatigue than before, even a week or two post treatment. I also feel more sick this time around. As some of you heard that if this doesn't work Plan B will be a stem cell transplant and from what I understand it's a long process. I would be hospitalized for 2 weeks, needing heavy chemotherapy to bring my immune system down to a zero. Finding a match shouldn't be too hard but you never know. I am praying to not have to go to that route.
So my brothers and sisters if you would kindly be praying specifically for that as often as you can I'd appreciate it! Again thank you for your support this far, the battle is not mine but God's so I am trusting in Him to win this for me!
Love always,
Melissa
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Wowsers... a month and half or so without an update... tisk tisk!
Sorry guys, life has gotten in the way and I haven't updated my blog. Actually not too much to update healthwise I guess which is the main point of my blog. I do round 5 this week, round 4 went well last month. I had more nausea and fatigue this time around but cannot complain about anything else, could be worse! One more after this week, yeah!!!!
I can't believe how fast March went by. I'm still sitting here scratching my head wondering where it went. AND I can't believe how fast this year is going. You ever think back to when you were a child and how you couldn't wait to grow up? Well if I could take those thoughts back I would! I long for the days of not having a care in the world. I miss the days where my biggest worry was choosing which color crayon I should use or crying over skinned knees. Now I have to fret over what color paint to use on the walls and what texture. I now cry over getting poked and prodded every 2-3 weeks by doctors and nurses w/ big needles. I worry too much about everything and need to learn to let go and let God handle my fears, my worries, my anxieties. I miss the carefree days of being a kid!
I went to a womens conference this weekend at the Kalahari Resort in Wis Dells (yeah NO KIDS and NO MEN LOL). One thing I always look forward to what God is going to show me that I didn't know or have been trying to ignore. I enjoy singing along with all the other women and the fanstastic worship band, it's a small glimpse into what heaven will be like. The speakers and the workshops are always awesome. This year we had Chelsea Cameron speak and she decided to bring her hubby Kirk Cameron along, I think he stole the spotlight off her the first day! The other speaker was awesome too, I don't remember seeing her but she was on BH 90210 for a while as well as Buffy the Vampire slayer (which I never watched). I always come home with something to work on in my life and hope that I can stick with it. =)
So my friends, sorry for this short update BUT I'm on my lunch break! Maybe I will find time to blog more this week. But I leave you with these thoughts and a challenging reminder...
I will not allow the enemy (the lil D word, the devil) to steal my joy and you shouldn't either. No matter what hardships we go through in life, no matter what trials you come to face with just remember that this life is temporary and we need to live life to the fullest. We as women tend to carry a lot of weight, a lot of burdens from our past and present and even for the future. And sometimes we as women, especially moms and wives tend to think we have to be perfect for our kids and our husbands and when things don't go according to plan we get discouraged, frustrated, upset, sometimes to the point of being a raging fool! Ya feel me? Have you been there? God didn't say that this life was going to be easy or that we wouldn't suffer from heartache, disappointment, etc. but we can still live happy meaningful lives regardless of our present circumstances. There is a spiritual warfare out there and the enemy is on a mission. He wants you to be miserable. He doesn't like see us happy. And if he can't get to you he will through your husband, your kids, anyone or anything you care about and pour your heart into. He also likes to distract us with things so that we can't get done what we're suppose to get done. So when you are plagued with that negative voice in your head it's the enemy putting those thoughts into you mind. You know what to say to those thoughts? "SHUT UP! I will not allow you to steal my joy, be gone" John 10:10 "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest". That's my challenge to myself, will it be yours?
Thanks Jennifer Krebs and to Robia Lamorte for the reminder last weekend!
Blessings,
Melissa
I can't believe how fast March went by. I'm still sitting here scratching my head wondering where it went. AND I can't believe how fast this year is going. You ever think back to when you were a child and how you couldn't wait to grow up? Well if I could take those thoughts back I would! I long for the days of not having a care in the world. I miss the days where my biggest worry was choosing which color crayon I should use or crying over skinned knees. Now I have to fret over what color paint to use on the walls and what texture. I now cry over getting poked and prodded every 2-3 weeks by doctors and nurses w/ big needles. I worry too much about everything and need to learn to let go and let God handle my fears, my worries, my anxieties. I miss the carefree days of being a kid!
I went to a womens conference this weekend at the Kalahari Resort in Wis Dells (yeah NO KIDS and NO MEN LOL). One thing I always look forward to what God is going to show me that I didn't know or have been trying to ignore. I enjoy singing along with all the other women and the fanstastic worship band, it's a small glimpse into what heaven will be like. The speakers and the workshops are always awesome. This year we had Chelsea Cameron speak and she decided to bring her hubby Kirk Cameron along, I think he stole the spotlight off her the first day! The other speaker was awesome too, I don't remember seeing her but she was on BH 90210 for a while as well as Buffy the Vampire slayer (which I never watched). I always come home with something to work on in my life and hope that I can stick with it. =)
So my friends, sorry for this short update BUT I'm on my lunch break! Maybe I will find time to blog more this week. But I leave you with these thoughts and a challenging reminder...
I will not allow the enemy (the lil D word, the devil) to steal my joy and you shouldn't either. No matter what hardships we go through in life, no matter what trials you come to face with just remember that this life is temporary and we need to live life to the fullest. We as women tend to carry a lot of weight, a lot of burdens from our past and present and even for the future. And sometimes we as women, especially moms and wives tend to think we have to be perfect for our kids and our husbands and when things don't go according to plan we get discouraged, frustrated, upset, sometimes to the point of being a raging fool! Ya feel me? Have you been there? God didn't say that this life was going to be easy or that we wouldn't suffer from heartache, disappointment, etc. but we can still live happy meaningful lives regardless of our present circumstances. There is a spiritual warfare out there and the enemy is on a mission. He wants you to be miserable. He doesn't like see us happy. And if he can't get to you he will through your husband, your kids, anyone or anything you care about and pour your heart into. He also likes to distract us with things so that we can't get done what we're suppose to get done. So when you are plagued with that negative voice in your head it's the enemy putting those thoughts into you mind. You know what to say to those thoughts? "SHUT UP! I will not allow you to steal my joy, be gone" John 10:10 "The enemy comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the fullest". That's my challenge to myself, will it be yours?
Thanks Jennifer Krebs and to Robia Lamorte for the reminder last weekend!
Blessings,
Melissa
Monday, April 4, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
29 and holding!
Ah yes, today is the 12th anniversary of my 21st birthday.... lol! Just kidding! Today is my 33rd birthday. 33 is such an awkward number isn't it? As time goes on life becomes more precious to me. I am thankful another day, another year of life. God has been so good to me! My last round of chemo went great, just a a day of nausea and another day of major fatigue but that's about it. If being tired everyday is the only side effect from all of this I will gladly take it! I know of some people that are on the same regimen as myself and they are not doing well with the treatments. I can't imagine.
Celebrated my birthday on Saturday with nearly 60 of my closest friends and family at The Last Chance. Totally overwhelmed with the amount of people that came to show me love! Got some fabulous gifts, friends filled out these cards that said "tell me how fabulous you think I am" lol! Whenever I feel down I know I can just go through this box and my spirits will be lifted! My sister Jeny made the best cake I've ever had! It was one truly amazing cake and to think this is the 2nd fondant cake she's ever made! Jessica has some competition hee hee! Brooke entertained us with Bohemian Rhapsody and some Britney, the crowd loves her! Thank you to everyone who came out, I had a blast! Probably one of the best birthday's ever, right up there along side my surprise 30th birthday party. I can't imagine what my 40th will look like but I still have a few years to think about that one! I am in awe and truly reminded how blessed I am.
It's been a great day so far. Went to work then my boss took me out to lunch to my favorite Greek restaurant (Demitri's) and now we will be heading out to dinner with my family.... going to Chilli's because today kids eat free and I might just have one of their famous Presidente margarita to celebrate the occasion lol! ;)
Here's to another great year in my life!
Celebrated my birthday on Saturday with nearly 60 of my closest friends and family at The Last Chance. Totally overwhelmed with the amount of people that came to show me love! Got some fabulous gifts, friends filled out these cards that said "tell me how fabulous you think I am" lol! Whenever I feel down I know I can just go through this box and my spirits will be lifted! My sister Jeny made the best cake I've ever had! It was one truly amazing cake and to think this is the 2nd fondant cake she's ever made! Jessica has some competition hee hee! Brooke entertained us with Bohemian Rhapsody and some Britney, the crowd loves her! Thank you to everyone who came out, I had a blast! Probably one of the best birthday's ever, right up there along side my surprise 30th birthday party. I can't imagine what my 40th will look like but I still have a few years to think about that one! I am in awe and truly reminded how blessed I am.
It's been a great day so far. Went to work then my boss took me out to lunch to my favorite Greek restaurant (Demitri's) and now we will be heading out to dinner with my family.... going to Chilli's because today kids eat free and I might just have one of their famous Presidente margarita to celebrate the occasion lol! ;)
Here's to another great year in my life!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Whoa is me- NOT!
The other night my son and I were watching TV together and a commercial came on about a cancer treatment center and the patient had lost all their hair. He turned to me and asked "mom are you gonna loose your hair?" I said "no love, mommy won't loose her hair". How do you handle curious, innocent questions for a little one wise beyond his years?
Last week was rough week. Started FMLA, was scheduled to get a port and the schedule got screwed up and I was sent to the wrong department. So then I had to postpone chemo rearrange my schedule, inconvenienced my friends and family- what a hot mess and a headache. Oh and aggravation. But my convictions got me and realized things once again happen for a reason cant get mad. Ok God I get, I got the message.
Then Wednesday everything was shut down due to the snowstorm/blizzard/snowmaggedon- whatever you wanna call it. Yes I was the one of those that said 'blah blah blah, the weatherman is always wrong and the media tends to hype things up and freak everyone out, rush to the stores to grab that last gallon of milk". Ok, so I was wrong!!! ugh. Woke up Wednesday to snow up past my front windows and snow drifts along my driveway 5 feet tall once the driveway was shoveled and plowed. And for once everything was shut down, even my company that has never closed for as long as I can remember. So I took advantaged and cooked and cooked. Can you guess what I made? Gave away a few plates to Ricky and my neighbors who helped out and later brought food over to our friends who just had a baby. What a great escape to go visit a newborn!
Thursday the schools were closed again but I had to go get my port put in. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Had bruising and it's pretty grotesque looking and just knowing I have a foreign object implanted in my chest is bizaare. The pain has lasted til even today pre-chemo treatment. I had a lot of pain and every time I laid down I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It even hurts to laugh. Today I had chemo and once again was stressing out since the area is still tender and didn't want to get poked but this was definitely worth the pain Thursday. The initial poke wasn't bad, they used some spray to numb the area though I couldn't tell, still felt the prick but it was for split second. Overall the treatment went by a little faster. Course I got there at 8:15 and was done by 1:30. For now we left my lovely extension cord or whatever you wanna call it in to save the trouble of getting poked again tomorrow then I will have completed round number 3. 3 down, 3 to go. Everything rides on hope now.
As of right now, I'm feeling ok. Not too tired but these steroid are causing some crazy cravings! Tengo hambre!! Dear God I worked so hard to loose 30 lbs, do not let them come back! In the famous words of comedian George Lopez "I hab a pain in my chess and I can't breef" but it's not as bad as yesterday. Right now I am just chillaxin by the window watching the pretty snow fall listening to some tunes. Keep praying for me as I fight the good fight. I had a whoa is me day Friday. Was feeling a mix of emotions- sad for those that have lost their battle with this ugly "c" word, angry that I have to go through this, angry for those going through this, blah blah blah. I don't wanna do this anymore. But then I snapped back to my positive attitude by Sunday because I was reminded that there is a reason for this and of course I remember all my friends and family supporting me and praying through this. I have to get a grip, I have to handle this better. I have to be strong and be an example. If I can conquer this I can conquer anything. I don't know why I am walking this long and painful road but I am not alone and this is just a small obstacle in the way. Maybe this is some sort of test from above.
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (this is the verse on my hubby's tattoo)
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
Last week was rough week. Started FMLA, was scheduled to get a port and the schedule got screwed up and I was sent to the wrong department. So then I had to postpone chemo rearrange my schedule, inconvenienced my friends and family- what a hot mess and a headache. Oh and aggravation. But my convictions got me and realized things once again happen for a reason cant get mad. Ok God I get, I got the message.
Then Wednesday everything was shut down due to the snowstorm/blizzard/snowmaggedon- whatever you wanna call it. Yes I was the one of those that said 'blah blah blah, the weatherman is always wrong and the media tends to hype things up and freak everyone out, rush to the stores to grab that last gallon of milk". Ok, so I was wrong!!! ugh. Woke up Wednesday to snow up past my front windows and snow drifts along my driveway 5 feet tall once the driveway was shoveled and plowed. And for once everything was shut down, even my company that has never closed for as long as I can remember. So I took advantaged and cooked and cooked. Can you guess what I made? Gave away a few plates to Ricky and my neighbors who helped out and later brought food over to our friends who just had a baby. What a great escape to go visit a newborn!
Thursday the schools were closed again but I had to go get my port put in. The actual procedure wasn't as bad as I imagined. Had bruising and it's pretty grotesque looking and just knowing I have a foreign object implanted in my chest is bizaare. The pain has lasted til even today pre-chemo treatment. I had a lot of pain and every time I laid down I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. It even hurts to laugh. Today I had chemo and once again was stressing out since the area is still tender and didn't want to get poked but this was definitely worth the pain Thursday. The initial poke wasn't bad, they used some spray to numb the area though I couldn't tell, still felt the prick but it was for split second. Overall the treatment went by a little faster. Course I got there at 8:15 and was done by 1:30. For now we left my lovely extension cord or whatever you wanna call it in to save the trouble of getting poked again tomorrow then I will have completed round number 3. 3 down, 3 to go. Everything rides on hope now.
As of right now, I'm feeling ok. Not too tired but these steroid are causing some crazy cravings! Tengo hambre!! Dear God I worked so hard to loose 30 lbs, do not let them come back! In the famous words of comedian George Lopez "I hab a pain in my chess and I can't breef" but it's not as bad as yesterday. Right now I am just chillaxin by the window watching the pretty snow fall listening to some tunes. Keep praying for me as I fight the good fight. I had a whoa is me day Friday. Was feeling a mix of emotions- sad for those that have lost their battle with this ugly "c" word, angry that I have to go through this, angry for those going through this, blah blah blah. I don't wanna do this anymore. But then I snapped back to my positive attitude by Sunday because I was reminded that there is a reason for this and of course I remember all my friends and family supporting me and praying through this. I have to get a grip, I have to handle this better. I have to be strong and be an example. If I can conquer this I can conquer anything. I don't know why I am walking this long and painful road but I am not alone and this is just a small obstacle in the way. Maybe this is some sort of test from above.
1 Timothy 6:11-12 (this is the verse on my hubby's tattoo)
11 But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness. 12 Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses.
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